Travelling alone at night on Melbourne’s public transport, I’ve often felt a nagging suspicion that I wasn’t entirely safe. Teenagers sat at the other end of carriages, talking loudly amongst themselves (undoubtedly about the violent crimes they were about to commit) and laughing (undoubtedly at the innocent other travellers who were soon to be their victims). Young men would stand near the doors as the trains rocketed between stations, lurching wildly (clearly drunk out of their brains) whenever the train swung around a bend. Other passengers would sit suspiciously by themselves the whole way (clearly planning to follow me home and rape and murder me).
I used to think – my god, I wish there were some barely-trained failed security guards toting semi-automatic weapons on this train to keep me safe. Only the threat of bullets spraying around the carriage in a shoot-out between trigger-happy gang members and heavily-armed not-police could reassure me now.
Well, never let it be said Ted Baillieu is a useless do-nothing premier whose only plans for Victoria are actually worse than what came before. He’s finally giving me, and all other paranoid and confused rail passengers, exactly what we presumed when not thinking rationally that we wanted. He’s found a way to put more guns on our trains, without all the inconvenient professionalism of actual police.
That’s the kind of can-do (stupid things) spirit that Victoria has been looking for. I hope the Herald Sun wrote an approving editorial about it.