And they call the US a “conservative” country

Today’s poll: do the intimate new US security procedures make a trip to the US more or less likely for you?

US security procedures for passengers who refuse body scans by machine are now being given pat downs that would bring a charge of s-xual molestation or indecent assault in most criminal jurisdictions.

The open-hand procedures mandated for America’s totally out-of-control Transport Security Administration involve manually determining the orientation of the p-nis and testicles in order to determine whether they are in fact explosive devices, as well as pressure to female gen-talia.

These procedures also apply to children and are all conducted by officers who have been commonly categorised in the US media as poorly educated, semi-fluent morons. It means, in plain English, that parents are powerless to stop a security official engaging in physical contact with their children in a degree that would be unthinkable, offensive and actionable in criminal law if it was something they did to a stranger not just their kids.

Ignoring the kids thing completely, talk about deliciously perverted. What other country offers travelers such an intimate “service” for free the minute they get off the plane? What other country is so excitingly dominant that it doesn’t care whether we consent or not? What other country shows everyone, regardless of gender, age, in such a physical way that it’s not just what’s on their outside that counts?


Foreplay.

That should be the new US tourism slogan: Broaden Your Sexual Horizons – Before You Even Leave The Airport!

Who knew extreme paranoia and counter-productive over-reaction could be so hot?

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8 responses to “And they call the US a “conservative” country

  1. “The open-hand procedures mandated for America’s totally out-of-control Transport Security Administration involve manually determining the orientation of the p-nis and testicles in order to determine whether they are in fact explosive devices, as well as pressure to female gen-talia.”

    Any search of my private parts would be most welcome, although it may cause some concern as the authority’s may think that I had a pencil hidden there, and not a moisture seeking missile.missile.

    If it was a nice looking female Luft Gestapo I would have to keep asking her if she was sure she hadn’t missed something.

  2. “Any search of my private parts would be most welcome, although it may cause some concern as the authority’s may think that I had a pencil hidden there…”

    Don’t sell yourself, er, thin.

  3. 2B or not 2B?

  4. All me need now is some idiot with a bomb up his ass and we all get a free test for prostate enlargement and bowel cancer.

  5. Splatterbottom

    “2B or not 2B?” Brilliant!

  6. weewillywinkee

    Gentlemen please … it makes me blush.

  7. This blog post is full on if true:

    >>13 November 2010
    TSA encounter at SAN
    [These events took place roughly between 5:30 and 6:30 AM, November 13th in Terminal 2 of the San Diego International Airport. I’m writing this approximately 2 1/2 hours after the events transpired, and they are correct to the best of my recollection. I will admit to being particularly fuzzy on the exact order of events when dealing with the agents after getting my ticket refunded; however, all of the events described did occur.

    I had my phone recording audio and video of much of these events. It can be viewed below.

    Please spread this story as far and wide as possible. I will make no claims to copyright or otherwise.]

    This morning, I tried to fly out of San Diego International Airport but was refused by the TSA.

    …<>After he finished his description but before he started the pat down, I looked him straight in the eye and said, “if you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.” He, a bit taken aback, informed me that he would have to involve his supervisor because of my comment.<<

    I think that particular T shirt is a keeper.

    Anyway sorry for the big chunks of quote but its a mad story and well worth reading.

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