In exciting news today, a horse won the Melbourne Cup horse race. This horse traveled around the track at Flemington slightly faster than the other horses.
Around the nation, some people won money because they bet on the winning horse. Other people lost money, because they bet on a horse that didn’t win.
Sports reporters broke out the special occasion hyperbole, reminding their viewers and listeners that if one of the horses happened to win, it would be the most tremendously exciting and fantastic thing that had ever happened in their lives, and that they would be telling future generations about the glorious win of a specific horse in the 2010 version of an annual race, for all eternity. Because it would be that astonishing.
“Dad, dad,” children of the future would say, “what happened in the 2010 Melbourne Cup horse race?”
And fathers would reply, “Children, children, don’t you remember what happened? I tell you this exciting story every night!”
And the children would cry, “We know dad, but please tell it again because we love it so.”
And fathers would tell the story. It was 3pm on 2nd November 2010, and there were about twenty horses lined up at the start of a racetrack in Flemington, Melbourne. They ran around the track. One horse won by taking less time to do this than the other horses. One horse came second, one came third and so on. And there was much rejoicing/weeping, depending on which horse the various people had backed. And this went on for a few days until everyone remembered that for the rest of the year they don’t give a shit about horse racing.
It was truly extraordinary.
UPDATE: Marieke Hardy’s take is spot-on.
UPDATE 23/12: And so’s The Onion, with the similar Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win.