Cases that in a just world would be very short

For example, in the Men at Work vs Parasitical Copyright Squatters case, this is how it should’ve gone:

Plaintiff: Ho ho, the government has extended copyright terms to ludicrous lengths, and we pounced on this one even though it should be in the public domain by now – so pay up.
Defence: An homage to a traditional folk song that is more than fifty years old is fair use, not infringement. We’re talking a few bars, a reference – not plagiarism.
Judge: The defence is completely right, this whole thing is absurd. Case dismissed. Costs awarded against the plaintiff (a) for bringing such a flimsy case to trial, and (b) for being such a useless sponge on the backs of people who actually contribute something to this country.

And in the truly obscene abortion trial which started in Queensland today:

Prosecutor: This young woman obtained and used an anti-abortion drug which contravenes this ancient Queensland law that should probably have been repealed by now and I really wonder what other weird things are still on the statute books. What’s that, I get a pig and “a comely lass of virtue true”? Awesome!
Defence: It’s the defendant’s body and if she chooses to terminate a pregnancy it’s none of the courts’ business. Who are we to tell her she must let her body out to the State as an incubator for nine months against her will?
Judge: Good point. Righto, jury dismissed, all charges struck out. Why have we wasted our time with this nonsense? Let’s go and have lunch.

Please feel free in the comments to suggest other defences that should’ve immediately ended stupid cases.

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15 responses to “Cases that in a just world would be very short

  1. Jeremy
    In Queensland it has been the case that for any woman who wants an abortion can get one, sure there are a few hoops to jump through but in the end she can have her unborn child killed by a licensed medical practitioner in a way that will not risk her life or irrevocably destroy her future fertility. The reason that even pro-abortion advocates should support the prosecution of these people is simply that none of them is licensed to offer medical treatment and if they go unpunished for having done precisely that then it sets a terrible precedent.
    Abortion advocates have often claimed that one of the reasons that they have wanted changes to the law is to make backyard abortions a thing of the past yet here they are complaining about a prosecution of a backyard abortionists! Am I the only one who thinks that they are being very wrong headed here?
    If we must have any abortions done in this country then lets make sure that they are done in an entirely safe manner by properly qualified doctors not by anyone who can buy abortofactants in foreign countries and bring them here. Just as we should prosecute those who practice other aspects of medicine without a licence we should expect that Tegan Simone Leach and Sergie Brennan to feel the full weight of the law. Sadly we can’t prosecute the death happy leftists who are trying to make them into martyrs for their cult of death.

  2. “Their cult of death” indeed. You’re an idiot, Iain.

    And there’s a huge difference between “practising medicine without a licence” (ie, on others) and Tegan and her boyfriend importing an abortifacent from overseas for their own use.

  3. Jeremy
    There is no difference in principle here which is precisely why this case should lead to a conviction

  4. Hi,
    In the first case I would have awarded an insulting one shilling damages, then costs against the plaintiff.
    In the second, I don’t think it was proved that she was actually pregnant.
    Bloody awful law anyway . Should have been off the books decades ago. Bah.

  5. Iain’s right. Just reading about this case makes me want to go out and kill more babies. KILL! MORE! BABIES!!1!! Mwahh hah hahhhh!

    Yes, we need more foetal sacrifices to satisfy our “cult of death” yearnings.

  6. Wisdom Like Silence

    A truly sad case, compounded by an idiotic law. I’d expect to hear about this case from some arse-backwards third world dystopia, not fucking Cairns.
    This makes me sick.

    Death happy leftists? How about treating people with a little dignity and respect leftists.

  7. “death happy leftists”

    But but but, it’s the right who supported the invasion of Iraq which resulted in the death of 600 000 human beings (and the invasion was based on UTTER lies) . Dispute that figure Ian? Then you have to dispute the figures from the Balkans and Rwanda…. AND come up with a better figure, numbers from morgues and hospitals just don’t cut it, many Muslims are buried quickly… Many people would have been blown to smithereens. That’s developed, sentient human beings, not a foetus.

    For someone who values human life Iain why on earth aren’t you calling for the likes of Bush, Blair and Howard to be held accountable for the slaughter they caused?

  8. Jesus – is Hall really resting his (predictably long) rant on the assertion that self-medicating is the same as providing medical treatment to others?

    That’s like arguing that drug users should be prosecuted for drug supply since they are supplying drugs to themselves.

  9. It is a pity abortion can’t be ordered retroactively.That way we could be spared the constant “Conservatives know best mantra” like forever.

  10. I have to admit I’d be doing my darnedest to get on that jury just so I could vote to acquit.

    It is absurd that the DPP is going ahead with this trial.

  11. “Jeremy
    There is no difference in principle here which is precisely why this case should lead to a conviction”

    Verdict – Not guilty (took less than an hour), thank goodness the jury thought differently to Iain.

  12. “In his closing address, defence barrister Kevin McCreanor attacked the 110-year-old law under which his clients were charged and urged the jury to end his clients’ ‘‘nightmare’’.”

    Get with the times Queensland, strike off your archaic laws, they belong to a bygone era.

  13. Wisdom Like Silence

    The couple were charged after police found empty blister packets of abortion drugs RU486 and Misoprostol during a search of their home on an unrelated matter in February last year

    Did they say what the search in the first instance was for?

  14. “But but but, it’s the right who supported the invasion of Iraq which resulted in the death of 600 000 human beings (and the invasion was based on UTTER lies) . Dispute that figure Ian? ”

    There’s a bumper sticker in the USA that says “WAR IS NOT PRO-LIFE”.
    Says it all really.
    Then there’s the Pope’s representative’s in Africa telling the faithfull that condoms have the AIDS virus on them at the factory. Doctrine over compassion.
    What a screwed up world we live in…..

  15. I’m just catching up on the last few weeks of entries.
    I studied law in Qld in the late 90’s early 00’s (but didn’t practice there).
    I recall at the time I was studying it was an offence under the Code to exercise witchcraft or pretend to tell fortunes or something similar.
    It was noted in lectures because of the apparently deliberate lack of prosecution and the occasional inconsistency between laws and social standards.
    Don’t think the law was repealed until around 2005. Shame they didn’t can this one along with it.

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