Employers’ Day

Victorians and Tasmanians got a day off work today, the lazy buggers, for one of the nation’s most shamelessly partisan and unfair traditions: Labor Day. You’ll notice that we conservatives don’t have a Liberal Day, or a National Day, or a Conservative Day. How unfair is that?

Well, I propose that this shameless bias in our public institutions be remedied. When the Liberal Party next wins office (I’m told by various well-informed sources in the opinion pages of Melbourne’s tabloid of record that it’ll be this year, because 2007 was an accident and Kevin Rudds’ is definitely going to be a one-term government), we’re going to introduce Employers’ Day. A day to celebrate all the fine work employers’ groups have done in fighting against workers’ “rights” and in squeezing every ounce of productivity out of those parasitical leeches for the least possible money.

It’ll be held on a Saturday, and where Labor Day involves employers having to pay workers to stay home and do nothing, on Employers’ Day they’ll have to come to work on the weekend for no pay whatsoever. Also, health and safety protections will be relaxed, and bosses will get one free unfair dismissal of their choosing. It’ll be a glorious vision of what Australia could be, if only we got our way just a little more.

Come, my fellow Australians. We built this country, with your labour. Isn’t it time we got something back?

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13 responses to “Employers’ Day

  1. Actually, it’s a moveable feast. You guys and Tassie had it today, WA last Monday, QLD/NT in May; us, SA and ACT get it in October. Hope you enjoyed it. Remember us in October when you complain about all those holidays we get – and also remember the additional one you get, a few weeks later!
    How about national Parental Leave Day, brought to you by the caring and sharing mad monk?

  2. Knew I should have wiki-ed it. First sentence amended from “Australians” to “Victorians and Tasmanians”.

  3. Maybe an employer day could help fund Abbott’s ridiculous paid maternity leave plan.

  4. there was a Labor Day? I blinked and missed all the media coverage

  5. Refer to Leo’s calendar.
    What’s next????
    Oh yes.
    Easter!
    I guess with Dawking in the country (Did you all see Tony Bourke kick his arse last night on Q&A?) you’ll have a cut and paste fest and save hours of thinking.
    Then move on to ANZAC and a good flogging for the RSL.

  6. I think we should all celebrate our healthy economy and the fact that there is plenty of work for those who would labour. The slogan should be “Rejoice In Work – Thank Heavens For The Market Economy”.!

  7. Returned Man

    I’ll thank the Market Economy as soon as it’s done with thanking me and all the other workers for the wealth we have created for them.

  8. RT – then get out there and create your own wealth – no one is stopping you. Make the jump from “worker” to “business owner” if you want to run things your way and keep the wealth yourself.

  9. Labour day. As distinct from Labor Party.

  10. We have several days to celebrate all things conservative. The main one being the Queen’s Birthday holiday.

    Nothing like celebrating an unelected, inbred head of state to make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

  11. Wilful, I’m aware of that – although they both came out of the same movement.

  12. AU, most people do nothing to actually celebrate the Queen’s Birthday. It should be relocated to the day of the Mardi Gras.

  13. You maybe oughtta be careful suggesting this Jeremy, it’s the kinda idea John Roskam or Chris Berg or some other right-wing evil overlord at IPA or CIS will suggest for real.

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